The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
