Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
