Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
