I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize