don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
