I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
