she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
