Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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