well I can't set my house on fire every night
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
