Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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