After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
