What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
