Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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