I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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