just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
