Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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