Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I enjoy the company of your penis
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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