What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
