im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
