just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
