She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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