When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
