I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
