Can Purell be used as lube?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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