i just sent this text using only my big toe
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
