me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize