just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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