have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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