i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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