I could make wine with my vomit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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