he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's never too late to be topless.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
