I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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