That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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