For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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