Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
