for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
