There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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