Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
