mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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