I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
