Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
