tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The Olympian is in my bed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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