I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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