Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
