Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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