I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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