The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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