I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
