i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
