I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize