for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
