I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
