Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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