You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
