That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
