Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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