My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
