I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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