Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
