im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
