i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
