have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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