worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
