I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The power of my boobs compel you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
