I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
