Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
