i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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